Top Advice for First Online Date
You connected with the person online and had a couple of conversations via the phone (which I highly recommend before an in person meeting) and now you are ready to meet! Hooray! That is first initial step and the second initial step is to get a second date, if you like him of course! Here are some tips on how to get that second date:
- First, consider this “is not a date” but “a get together” to experience each other. This takes the pressure off meeting someone for the first time that you don’t know.
- Do relax for a few minutes before your date. Try to go home first and relax with hot bath, or take a 10 minute nap or meditate so that you are in a more relaxed state before your date. If you have to go from work, take some time in your office or car and take some deep breaths. You don’t want to go on a date being stressed.
- Do meet in a fun space that would be an enjoyable experience for both of you. Ask him what he would like to do and share what would be an enjoyable experience for you. It might be a walk on the beach, or coffee at an outdoor café, a glass a wine at a winery. Don’t do the default Starbucks or Dinner. Starbucks is a hard place to connect and is very noisy and dinner can be too much pressure. Something casual and fun.
- Do connect with you feminine softer side and share your feelings vs your thoughts. Don’t be so logical or argumentative. It is ok to share your opinion but share it from “this is how I feel”. Don’t have a standoff or a debate about areas. I would stay clear of politics, religion, money or past relationships.
- Do allow him to open the door, pull your seat out, butter your bread, give you advice and be very appreciative.
- Do talk about what his favorite hobbies he mentioned from his profile (hint, read the his profile before the date), what makes him happy, what does he love about his work or hobbies, what is important to him? And you talk about yourself in this way also. Do this in a conversation, don’t act like an interview.
- Do be present and stay in the moment. This is very important. Don’t think about the future with this man, like is he marriage material, I wonder how much money he makes, will he take care of me. Notice these thoughts and be present and focus on what he is saying and how you are feeling.
- Do have good body language. Smile, make eye contact, and lean in when he does. If you really like him, touch his arm.
- Do be a good listener like this is the most important man in the room. Don’t interrupt. Interrupting can be rude and a man will shut down after several interruptions and it will be challenging to get to know him better.
- Do not give advice to a man or tell him what he should be doing. This will definitely turn him off. He wants to be respected.
- Do have a sense of humor. Have fun on your dates and be yourself.
- Do offer to pay half the bill on the “get together”. If he says “I will get this”, then let him.
- Do give it another date. Remember this is the first “get together “and give it another try. Be forgiving of the quirks and if your instincts are screaming “no way” then don’t do it.
- Do tell him you like him at the end of the date, if you do, of course. Sometimes a man needs a little nudge. Now I am not saying to bluntly ask him out but say this if you like him: “I had a really nice time and would like to see you again. “
- Do kiss him if you like him – There is nothing wrong with this. I use to have the rule: no kissing on the first date. However, after some research, if a guy likes you and tries to kiss you and you turn him down, there is a good chance he won’t be calling you again.
I hope this tips help you in your dating travels!
Kim Quick
